It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
