dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
