so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
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