I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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