Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
