you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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