you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
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After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
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That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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