Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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