Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
thus making me awesome and them whores
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
