Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
