made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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