As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
