His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize