just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
