My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
