we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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