i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
