I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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