Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
