Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
