Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
