I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
