i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I think my vagina is haunted
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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