your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Randomize
