Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
