I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
