Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
