Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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