you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
