I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
