The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
