I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
