yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
we made out on top of his cat.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
