Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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