Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
