so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
