I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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