none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
