That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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