Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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