Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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