If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
