If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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