I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
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He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
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I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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