Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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