just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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