if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
