like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
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If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
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U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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