I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
