I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
