so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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