Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize