grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
