I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
