Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
