yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
