she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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