last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
