Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
its not stalking. its research.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
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Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
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We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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