good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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