R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
