Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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