What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
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last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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