I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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