well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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