made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
that's an acceptable place to lick
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
