Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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