nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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