sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
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