not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.