My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.