We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos