I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
19 Doctors Confess The Most Difficult Situation They’ve Ever Had To Face
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.